2021 recap & the art of asking better questions
Hey, curious cats — another year in the books!
Does it feel like we’re living four years in one these days? While simultaneously, it seems like all I did was blink since I wrote you what systems I wanted to master in 2021.
So, how’d I do on those goals?
Quick recap:
Yoga (~30 minutes/day)
After spontaneously moving to Curaçao from the US in March, I changed this goal to every other day. I had to switch up my evening routine once in the Caribbean, because I no longer owned a dishwasher, nor had the luxury of DoorDash. So I began using ~90 minutes each evening for cooking and washing dishes where I previously relied on first-world comforts to get me through every night.
I also found that doing yoga every other day still met my needs.
Success rate: 87.6%
Walk 5-10K steps/day
Success rate: 87.9%
Meditate 10-30 minutes/day
Success rate: 33.9%
Don’t drink alcohol (every day)
Somewhat embarrassingly, I gave up on this goal in month 5. Also due to the unexpected turn of events after moving: I endured my strictest lockdown yet for my first 8 weeks here, exacerbating the strong urge I felt to get out and socialize. So when I finally got to go out and meet people, I decided to indulge in the fabric that glues the Caribbean together— drinking.
But I still changed my overall drinking habits after letting loose for a few months. More on that below.
Success rate: 76.4%
Lift (3x weekly)
Success rate: 80%
Notable patterns and takeaways:
When unique opportunities presented themselves, I took some breaks from my rigorous habit routines. For example, I quit my job in May to go on sabbatical, and my #1 priority became meeting people and having unforgettable experiences. This was a time when I drank a lot and skipped some other habits. My success rate in each category also dipped when I visited a few close friends in California in July and August, again, because time with friends was more important to me. And I was happy with that tradeoff!
Each habit affected the next. When I drank more, I felt lazier about working out. When I didn’t meditate, I was less focused and disciplined to achieve other habits. Conversely, when I went on my daily walk, I rarely missed the next habit, because I used James Clear’s tip from his book Atomic Habits: String habits together. I would walk at sunset (which would end my work day — also helpful for separating working from home and chilling at home), then I would either work out or do yoga, depending on the day. Then it was time for a shower, and I was officially into the evening, where I could do whatever else I wanted. This string of habits became so automatic that I would actually have to resist to make it not happen.
Drinking alcohol generally doesn’t make me feel good, but on certain occasions, the benefits outweigh the costs. Participating in social events where everyone’s drinking on rare occasions can lead you to lifelong friendships or unique networking opportunities. After taking 5.5 months off drinking and then getting back into it, I found myself sleeping more poorly, having increased anxiety, and being more sluggish. By the third quarter of the year, I established a new habit: Rather than being all-or-nothing with alcohol, I would check in with my body before deciding whether or not to drink. If my body felt strong, energized, like it could “take a hit,” and if I mentally wanted to indulge, I would! But if my body felt weak, I would refrain. And instead, I’d drink seltzer water with mint, lavender, or orange.
Regular exercise is absolutely vital to my overall wellbeing. This is the first year I’ve stuck to regular exercise since I was a high school athlete, and my energy and mental health are at all-time highs. This includes all three of my weekly workout habits: Walking daily, yoga every other day, and lifting 3x per week. Each item takes about 30 minutes, so I exercise about an hour a day in total. It requires almost zero equipment (a yoga mat, a 5lb free-weight, and a few exercise bands), it gets me out of my head, helps me sleep better, and improves my relationships. I feel more vital and young than I’ve felt since I was a kid. If you aren’t working out at all, start by incorporating one physical activity into your week. Get it down as a habit. Then add in one more, and so on. This is what I did for ~6 months leading up to 2021 before establishing the comprehensive routine I have now.
Meditation is clearly the one I struggled with most. I didn’t establish a specific time that I’d meditate. I generally did it in the mornings, but there were many other changing factors in my life over the course of the year (travel, timezone changes, moving in with someone…) that I didn’t nail this one down. When I was meditating most regularly in Q1, I had much more equanimity and a stronger ability to focus for long periods of time. This is the habit I am really going to focus on in 2022.
Whew, now I may seem like a crazy productivity robot with all this habit tracking and measuring. I remind you that I ran this as an experiment to see how these habits would affect my life. Now that I have a full year’s worth of data, I have my answers, and I don’t need to keep measuring these habits.
Tracking and measuring can be useful tactics when you want to test how something affects something else. But once you do this for a sufficient period of time, you will both have your data, and you will be more attuned to how the cause-and-effect feels.
An important lesson I learned last year is that your intuition gets stronger the more you use it.
“Authority figures outside of you” include rules and spreadsheets you make for yourself, if you’re like me. Yes, I wanted to achieve robotic-levels of systematic productivity this year. But I’m not a robot, I’m a human. I surfed the waves of life and tapped into my inner voice a lot. My intuition grew bigger and stronger.
On a similar note, I learned there are two ways to maximize our time in the day:
Being more productive
Being more present
Productivity is accomplishing many important things in a day. “If a man has enough to put in them, a day will have 100 pockets,” wrote Nietzsche. This looks like crossing off a long to-do list, and laying your tired, accomplished head down to sleep at the end of the day.
Presence is savoring the moment. It actually involves slowing down to tune into your senses. For three weeks this summer, I house-sat a friend’s beautiful bay-front property to begin my sabbatical. I had just met someone I became immediately close to. I stopped writing to-do lists. I would accomplish maybe one thing I set out to do in the day, but I would eat the dinner I cooked for myself in silence, fully experiencing the sensations on my tastebuds. I would wash the dishes unrushed, paying attention to the suds rinsing over my hands. I would gaze out over the water, watching the ripples and noticing the vibrant colors. I said yes to unknown opportunities and forgot what time it was. And I would smile.
My days of presence were just as full as my days of productivity. In fact, I think they necessarily go together to create a complete life. We have some seasons of production — getting shit done. We have other seasons of discovery and transformation — learning new things just for the enjoyment of it. Enriching our lives with new tastes, new sounds, new people, new languages, new experiences, and new thoughts.
And what about new questions?
How can you strengthen your internal authority figure so you trust it enough to follow it, despite zero evidence of its wisdom? By developing the art of asking better questions.
Something I started testing in the second half of 2020: My beliefs. I began wondering how I knew if I thought for myself or not. Three questions I started to ask myself of a particular belief:
Where does this idea/belief come from?
How did I come to this conclusion?
Have I thoroughly thought this through, researched it, and/or experienced it for myself?
Three domains of which it’s wise to test whether you’re thinking for yourself: Politics, religion/spirituality, and education. People tend to gather into “camps” on these areas from a young age, and can become more loyal to their group title than to what their group touts.
Questions for personal growth:
What have you changed your mind about in the last year? (If nothing comes to mind, that is something to explore!)
What’s the last new thing you learned? Where did you last surprise yourself?
What can you do differently in the next month to enrich your life?
Questions for achievement:
What’s the timeline for your goal? And what’s the basis for that deadline? What would it look like if you did it in half the time?
I’ve further sharpened my question-asking abilities in my new coaching practice, where I help people achieve internal and external goals. If you or anyone you know wants to make some personal growth and/or material achievements come to life this year, consider chatting with me for a free consultation. Just apply through one of the buttons on my site! :-)
Until next time,
Shelby
